A Day in the Life of Madam Pomfrey
by PokePotterfan93
Summary: Challenge by Fairywm. An average day in the life of the Hogwarts Healer, including what the most important member of the Hogwarts staff does all day. On this particular day, she's joined by an Auror in training who needs the experience. Rated for random silliness.


Madam Pomfrey frowned as Harry Potter walked into the Hospital Wing yet again. The young man had been in the Hospital Wing more often than half of her equipment. She placed her quill down, rubbing her forehead as he approached. "What have you managed to destroy this time?"

Harry chuckled. "I'm actually here as part of my work experience, Madam Pomfrey. Aurors need to have basic medic training, so the Headmistress signed off on me shadowing you for a day."

Madam Pomfrey rubbed her temples. "Ok, you'll have to sign a privacy policy and get dressed appropriately for the job." She grabbed a piece of parchment and a set of white robes. She placed them in front of him, handing him a quill and ink.

Harry signed his name on the line, taking the robes from her. He slipped into a dressing room, returning once he was dressed. He fixed his hair into a loose ponytail. "What can I do to assist you?"

She watched the door open. "Take a notepad and a pen, first draw. You will take notes on everything I do." She approached the student. She was one of the new first years who started last month. "How can I help you, Miss?"

"Holloway, ma'am. Diane Holloway." The girl whispered.

Madam Pomfrey smiled gently at the girl. "Sit on the bed and tell me the problem."

Diane sat on the bed, looking at her. "Professor Flitwick told me you keep..." She blushed brightly once she saw Harry. " _Feminine_ products."

Madam Pomfrey nodded at the young lady. "Mr Potter, go to the back and retrieve the item labelled 'care products' for me." She ordered the young man.

Harry grabbed the thing she asked, handing it over to the first year. He smiled gently to her. "Don't be embarrassed. I get this for my girlfriend all the time." He gave her a reassuring wink.

The girl blushed once she received her products and ran out of the room. "Still have a way with the ladies I see, Mr Potter." Madam Pomfrey commented lightly.

Harry chuckled, shrugging his shoulders passively. "I'm just that kinda guy."

Madam Pomfrey shook her head, bringing him to the supply room. "Aurors need to know about the seven main type of painkillers. Read the effects of the different potions and think about them in a field test situation." She moved back to the ward, seeing another student. "Mr Weasley, what can I do for you?"

Ron rubbed the back of his neck, handing her his prescription. "Dreamless sleep potions. And my antidepressants..."

Harry stopped in his tracks. Ron was on antidepressants? It made sense to him, he had taken Fred's death heavily. He wouldn't say anything to Ron about it. Hell, he took the odd dreamless sleep potions himself when the nightmares became too much to deal with. He waited until Ron had left before walking back to the ward. "I've an amazing book Hermione should read." He said softly. "It's about helping your partner deal with the death of a sibling." He sighed. "He hides it bloody well."

Madam Pomfrey chuckled weakly. "I've lost count of the amount of students who are on those blasted things this year, Mr Potter. Your classmates went through hell last year, as did you." She fixed her reading glasses onto her face, checking out the appointment list. "You're in luck, Miss Li is coming in today to have a routine procedure you'll need to know in the field."

Harry perked up at the idea of that. "What procedure?"

"Nerve reattachment. It's a delicate procedure and you'll be observing it." She responded, checking the wards. "There's a couple of young ladies outside who seems scared to come in. Maybe you should bring them in and offer some of that Potter charm." She remarked sarcastically.

Another female student came into the room, sitting on one of the beds. "Madam Pomfrey." She called out, playing with the pillow.

Madam Pomfrey stared at her. "Mr. Potter, meet Miss Waters. She's our resident hypochondriac." She smiled. "What's it this time? Dragonpox? Whooping cough? Explosive diarrhea?"

Waters rolled her eyes at the woman. "Nothing like that. I'm just here for my supply of birth control potions." She winked at Harry. "Never know when you're going to be near a stud." She chuckled.

Madam Pomfrey held her hand over her mouth to stop herself from laughing. The young lady was certainly blunt when it came to romance. "Now, what have I told you about flirting with young men in my company?" She asked sternly.

Waters just smirked. "You're telling me you wouldn't want that dashing rogue to hold you up against the wall and give you the time of your life?" She asked with genuine curiosity.

Madam Pomfrey smiled sweetly. "It's been a long time since I had that kind of fun." She said softly. "Though there was an incident in '63 involving a couple of Milano men and a nice chocolate syrup." She winked at the girl.

Harry watched the way the two seemed to tease one another. "Ok. Now I need a long shower and a bottle of whiskey."

Waters took the box of potions from her. "Well, I should get back to the classroom on the fifth floor near the portrait of the dancing penguin." She walked out at a leisurely pace, smirking to herself.

Madam Pomfrey couldn't help but laugh at the young man. "That Potter charm never seems to fail."

Harry chuckled. "Alas, they never seem to work on you, Madam Pomfrey. You're just immune to my rogue like charm." He walked outside, seeing Ginny waiting nervously. "Gin, what are you doing here?"

Ginny's face dropped as she saw him. "Um, well I...I..." She gulped. "I've an appointment with Madam Pomfrey." She moved past him, sitting on the bed.

Harry walked closer, trying not to worry. "What can we help you with, Miss Weasley?"

Ginny looked at Madam Pomfrey, trying to avoid Harry's eyes. "I...think I might be pregnant."

Harry gulped a little, sitting beside her. "P-Pregnant? Like with a baby?"

Ginny's lip wobbled slightly. She felt a pair of arms gently wrap around her. "C-Could I please have a pregnant test?" She asked softly.

Madam Pomfrey should have said something to Harry about holding onto a patient, but the young man was slowly turning translucent at the thought of being a father. "Of course." She brought out a vile of a sickly green potion. "I need you to give a urine sample please." She handed her an empty container.

Ginny took the container, making her way to the bathroom.

Harry ran his hand through his hair, taking deep breaths. "I'm too young to be a father..." He whispered softly. "I'm only eighteen..."

Madam Pomfrey watched him closely. "You're not the first person to think like that." She said simply. "You should be fine. Most times it's just stress. Your girlfriend has been through a lot this year. Deaths, exams and helping you with young Edward takes it toll."

"Teddy." Harry corrected her out of habit. Since the war had ended he'd been taking his godson on weekends to give Andromeda a break.

Madam Pomfrey rolled her eyes. "You're already a father in a sense, Harry." She said softly. "The way you care about him is a lot more than a godfather. I've seen you hold that boy all night when he had that fever. Never stopping. You were keeping that boy close to your heart."

Harry nodded. "It takes three hours for a standard pregnancy test potion to give a result. I'll take her to the Common Room and come back for the graveyard shift, if that's ok with you?"

Madam Pomfrey nodded. "Of course. I'll have the results ready later on." She chuckled. "Your mother and father had a scare like that in their seventh year. First and only time I ever saw James Potter worried about something."

Harry smiled weakly. "Potters, we've a thing for sexy redheads."

"So you've an Oedipus complex, Harry? That's pretty sick." Ginny teased, holding a weak smile on her face.

Madam Pomfrey let the two leave, reminding Harry to be present at 8pm for Su Li's nerve reattachment. Once the two left she dipped a muggle pregnancy test into Miss Weasley's sample, smirking as the result popped up. "Let the little cretins worry for a few hours, that'll remind them to use protection." She chuckled to herself.

True to his word, Harry returned with Ginny just before eight. The young couple were obviously worried about the results of the test. She sat them both down. "You're not pregnant, Miss Weasley."

Harry let out a breath of relief. "Oh thank whatever fucked up deity exists." He chuckled weakly.

Ginny finally let out the breath she had been holding in since they walked in. "Oh thank goodness for that." She wrapped her arms around Harry's, leaning her head on his shoulder.

Madam Pomfrey let a smirk appear on her face. "From now on, I want you to come to me for your contraceptive potions, Miss Weasley. I know that you two are using the spells, but they have been known to fail at times. When it's close to your fertile cycle, come to see me." She ordered, shooing the young lady afterwards. "As for you, Casanova. Get prepped for surgery and keep your stomach contents inside your bowels!"

Harry scrubbed his hand before putting on the gloves and smock, placing a surgical mask onto his face. "Now, what exactly are we doing to Su's hand?" He asked curiously, trying to understand the procedure.

"It's simple really." Madam Pomfrey fixed her own gloves and mask on. "Miss Li's hand has two severed nerves from an attack she survived during the Battle. She's no use of her left hand as a result. We're going to adding a magical splint between the nerve fragments. It'll work like sellotape for her nerves. It's a delicate procedure with a lot of chances to go wrong."

Harry nodded, fixing the back of his smock before heading over to the section. "Su." He nodded to her. "Does she have to be conscious for this?"

Madam Pomfrey nodded her head. "Miss Li will need to tell us when the nerves are reattached." She explained, applying the anesthetic to the young lady's arm. "Now, I'm going to make a small incision into the palm." She began to slice carefully into Su's hand.

"I'd rather not hear about what's happening…" Su admitted, feeling a little nauseous about the thoughts of her skin being cut into.

"Miss Li, Harry needs to understand the basis of this procedure." Madam Pomfrey turned her head to the young man, who had collapsed at the sight of the blood. "Thank Merlin he won't need to do this when he's an Auror."

Su chuckled weakly, letting the matron do her work. After an hour and a half she felt something she hadn't in months, the cold metal her finger was touching. "I can feel it!" She said excitedly, staring up at Madam Pomfrey. The use of her hand had been severely reduced because of the damage. "How much physiotherapy will I need?"

Madam Pomfrey wrapped her hand in some bandages, applying a sling. "One month, maybe two. I'll do what I can here and when school ends I'll send the results to a good physiotherapist in St. Mungo's." She said softly, smiling at the girl. "You're still numbed for now, but your hand will be in extreme pain when the drugs wear off." She warned her. "So I'll expect you back here in the morning to see if you need any pain medication."

Su nodded, walking out of the room.

Madam Pomfrey stood looking over Harry. "I should name this bloody wing after him." She muttered, levitating him onto one of the beds. She saw Professor Slughorn rushing a student into the room. "What happened this time, Horace?" She asked, shaking her head.

"Mr. Reynolds here was practicing for his finals when he ended up adding too much powdered rat's tooth to the potion." Slughorn explained, sitting the boy on the bed. "I believe he was attempting to turn the potion's effect into a different one." He said sternly.

Madam Pomfrey rolled her eyes. "Let me guess, we're dealing with another student trying to turn a love potion into a lust potion?" She asked, grabbing some supplies.

"No." Reynolds frowned, hiding himself. "Well, the potion is designed to help women who are in childbirth…but um, one of the seventh years told me that if you substitute the mole rat teeth for sewer rat teeth, it would replace the effect for men." He blushed slightly.

"The dumb boy was trying to use the potion for a penile enlargement potion." Slughorn explained. "However, he should've realised that the potion wouldn't just expand the length, it would enlarge the width!" He shook his head, handing her a list of ingredients list for her. "I'll admit that the boy's potion skills are adequate, but he can't remember the exact measurements of the powder."

Harry groaned from his bed. "Who hit me with a bus?" He asked groggily. "Hey Alan!" He grinned. "How'd that potion work out for you?" He chuckled slightly, seeing the boy blush. "I warned you not to do it." He took the list from Madam Pomfrey, checking the ingredients. "Put some rat's liver in a cauldron with mole rat teeth, some bat spines, some powdered unicorn horn and a little bit of his blood. Let it simmer for three hours then have him drink it." He said simply, sitting up. "Sorry about the fainting episode. Guess I'm a little squeamish when it comes to seeing people's nerves."

Madam Pomfrey watched the boy in shock. "And how would you know that, Mr. Potter?"

Harry smirked. "Seamus tried the potion himself when he was fifteen. Took me, Hermione and Ginny sixteen hours to help him with the potion." He laughed to himself. "If you need the potion in a hurry use a three quarter inch copper cauldron over a flame of 740oC flame and start by adding the powdered unicorn." He poured himself a drink of water. "Did Su's hand work?" He asked.

Madam Pomfrey just nodded at him. "Yes. It did." She chuckled a little to herself, watching him. "You're really something, Harry." She said softly.

Harry shrugged. "I've been working on my potion skills. I have to be able to make a variety of antidotes and other things at a moment's notice. Horace here will tell you, I'm someone who can surprise you." He stood up.

"There should be one of those three quarter inch cauldron in the closet." Madam Pomfrey smiled a little. "Go and make the potion." She stared at the patient. "As for you, this is going to be a painful couple of hours."

Harry laughed from the closet. "He has no idea! Seamus nearly caused some serious damage. Not to mention the uncontrolled ejaqulations are a real problem." He smirked a little. "I'd get some towels if I were you two. It could get messy."

Madam Pomfrey sighed. "Get to work quickly then, or I'll make you clean the floors by hand!" She snapped out at him.

Harry continued his potion work, getting it done in just over an hour and a half. "This should do the trick. It would've been faster, but if I skimped on the time, it would've killed him."

Madam Pomfrey handed the potion to the boy. "How long before he returns to normal?" She asked curiously.

"About an hour. I'm guessing you haven't really come across this before?" He asked, smirking again.

"No." She admitted. "I'll add it to the list of problems I deal with."

 **A/N: Taken on the challenge by Fairywm**


End file.
